I am my biggest doubter. I will easily get discouraged when something doesn’t go the way that I expect it to. At first, I thought I had unrealistic expectations. This isn’t necessarily the case because even if my expectations are low, things still sometimes don’t work out the way that I want it to. I have had to start seriously pushing through and start looking back on all that I have accomplished.
Recently on Facebook, a memory popped up of my first day of graduate school. I had decided to not only continue with school, but completely change my field of study from business to criminal justice. I was nervous that I was making a mistake and that I would soon realize that I wasn’t cut out for this field.
Fast forward to today, I have my masters degree in criminal justice with a specialization in forensic science and I graduated with the highest GPA I have earned in all my years in higher education. I don’t know why I doubted myself. In that time, I also found out I was pregnant with almost a whole year of school to go. I doubled up on classes and finished a month before Lincoln was born. That was challenging to say the least. At some point I guess I just knew that I could do it and shut out all negative thoughts that I couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of times that I wanted to quit school. I was not only going to graduate school, but I was also homeschooling both of my kids at the time. They were both in ballet once a week and Jiu Jitsu three times a week. My patience was tested over and over and there were plenty of days where I thought that I couldn't do it all. Especially when my morning sickness was so bad I had to go on medication to alleviate the symptoms and that's when I ended up earning my first B in a class. That discouraged me and messed up my vision of the GPA that I would have when I graduated. I guess I thought that if I got the highest GPA possible, it would prove that I made the right choice in changing fields of education. I now know that it wouldn’t have made any difference and that one B was just proof that I am capable of pushing through and doing my best when some of the biggest obstacles are in my way.
Recently, I decided to follow my passion for writing and sharing by relaunching my blog. This was a hard decision for me to make because I didn’t want to fail in achieving my goals that I have for my blog. I spent weeks contemplating whether or not to pursue this passion. I once again, doubted my abilities and talents. I have a passion for sharing and teaching. Whether it’s sharing a great sale that I found, a favorite new product that I love, a project that I successfully completed and want to teach to someone else, or just simply a story that I want to share, I now have a place where I am able to do all of that.
Not only have I decided to pursue writing again, I have also decided to completely change up my shop. As many of you may already know, I had been selling my handmade items on Etsy. I had been considering opening up my own shop with its own website for a while. The thought was slightly scary and I never wanted to make the jump to do it. I also had a vision for a new product design and toyed with the idea of changing up the products I was offering to sell for a long time. The timing never felt right and I didn't even know where I would start. Once again, I doubted that I was capable of achieving the dreams that I had for myself and my shop.
So, as I contemplated this venture over and over for weeks on end, I finally made up my mind when I watched Cars 3 with my kids. Yes...you read that right. As silly as it sounds, there was one scene in the movie that spoke to me at that time of contemplation. Lightning McQueen’s trainer had just finished telling him that she didn’t wake up one day wanting to be a trainer. It was never her dream. She had always wanted to be a racer like him. Then she asks him this one question about being a racer “What was it like for you? How did you know that you could do it?” His response to this question spoke to me in a way that I can’t exactly explain... “I just never thought that I couldn’t”. This is the type of thinking that I want to have with all of my ambitions. I need to stop doubting that I can and just never think that I can’t do it in the first place. This is something I am striving to teach my kids now. They shouldn’t doubt themselves, ever! And neither should I...or you.
Also, you should really watch Cars 3 because its a cute movie.